My birthday is right around the corner… The crazy thing is that for as long as I can remember I had my birthday celebration planned a long time in advance and I celebrated my birthday the whole month. There were jobs that I would purposely schedule off for the majority of August if I could. My birthday is kind of a big deal! As all are.
This year I find myself a little preoccupied with everything that is going on to even worry about planning a celebration. I am hoping that this is just the circumstance and that this isn’t a sign of age. I look back on my life and the things I have done and experienced and I do believe that this is the first year that I have felt really at peace with myself and comfortable with my heart and where I am at in life. I am very happy with life and the people in my life. I have changed a lot of things about myself and the people I allow to absorb my time… I think this is the reason for the content feeling. I remember in the past always spending so much time asking why… Why was this person doing this, Why was that person doing that, Why were all of these things happening to me… bla bla bla I can answer those questions and it is because instead of changing the path and changing my mindset I sat around and asked why… The question I should have been asking was Why was I allowing myself to waste precious time…
I can honestly say that I TRY and stay focused on the good and focus on the day. I really like me at this age, and I am so happy with where I am at in life. I am proud of the fact that I have allowed myself to love again. I am proud of the fact that I have allowed myself to really fully accept love, by accept love I mean let certain people love me in there way. I struggle with this sometimes because there are days that I don’t feel I deserve it. I have to remind myself that love is a gift and if someone wants to offer that gift who am I to turn it down. I also realize that not everyone is going to love like me and that’s okay. It’s important because it opens our eyes to new ways to love. I also have realized that parenting is hard, but I have such a deep appreciation for it. I didn’t realize how amazing it really was… I think becoming a mom at such a young age made it difficult for me to really appreciate and understand the ramifications of parenthood. I have come to such a deep appreciation for the fact that God has had enough faith in my to parent 3 children. Trust me when I say there are days that I look up to the sky about 10000 times and ask him if he really knows what he’s doing… because it’s tough… They are all going through different stages and well I pray for patience a lot. 🙂 I am blessed to get to experience such an amazing man everyday. I asked him the other day… “How did YOU get so luck to get to experience all of me” his response “trial and error” lol So true… Sounds so cliche, but I am so thankful for all the wrong turns I made because without them I wouldn’t be able to truly appreciate the good stuff! I do also have the best friends a girl could ask for. We don’t see each other as often as we anticipated when we were younger… I remember us saying we would buy houses next to one another and so on… Probably a good thing we didn’t other wise we would be very unproductive at life… hahah 31 is upon me and I am uber excited!!