Are you A MISTAKE?
As a little girl, I was oblivious to a lot of things. I was on a mission to change the world from the earliest stage of life. I remember at the age of 8 or 9 writing a petition to make it illegal for my family to smoke in our vehicle… The funny thing about that is that I actually became a smoker later in life. I remember playing baseball and hearing comments about how I shouldn’t play that game because it just didn’t fit me- I remember being in love with Church and God and I went to Church camp, I did bible school for the little kids, and volunteered in whatever manner I could… I remember getting made fun of for carrying my bible, I remember being told that I basically felt like I was better than everyone else. I remember later on going out for cheer leading (I was ecstatic that I made the team) I remember getting home and the comments were flowing… She is a cheerleader so that she can show her ass! She’s an air head so she will do great at that! It’s not even a sport, it’s not that important. I remember later on being called names because I was a server, I was told to get a real job, I remember getting a “real” job and not being able to make enough money and needing that server job. Even in recent years I remember taking the cheer coach position at the middle and high school level, even though my team was pretty amazing, I would get comments: Oh that’s nice you are a cheer coach, hmmm is that even a job? What are you coaching them on getting there hair done? I have heart comments for being a stay at home mom, I get asked if I am going to go back to work because you know my kids are school age… I heard comments for breastfeeding for too long, carrying my child too much, I hear comments about how our sweet Chan likes what he likes. I hear comments about homeschooling, “Aren’t you scarred your kids won’t be socialized? You are teaching your kids to run away from problems.”
Thankfully I kept myself busy and into my adult years I did seek out people to speak with and books to read… I did struggle for years feeling not good enough and these thoughts still creep in on occasion, but I know WHO’s I am! I know that I am enough! I know that I am on a mission to continue growing and learning!
Now that I am grown up and finally able to say that I feel good in my own skin after over 30 years! I know that I try my hardest to support my kids interests and the people around me’s interests because who am I to say that interest isn’t a valid interest. I do not downgrade or make fun of my children for wanting to try activities that do not appeal to me. I do not downgrade complete strangers that are interested in things that I am not interested in.
The fact is those that were downgrading me for my activities and interests are still living the exact like that they have always lived… They are in the same place today that they were in 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago. I am a student of life and I am thankful that I am open to new ideas, thoughts, and ways of doing life.
The old saying, “If it isn’t broke do not fix it” This saying is a crock of shit! Just because it’s not broken for you doesn’t meant it’s not broken for someone else- Take life in general- looking back the way of life wasn’t broken for white males, but it was broken for people of color and women…. Definitely needed fixed! Guess what society is broken and still needs to be fixed. Households are broken and need to be fixed! Just because your parents did something one way and you are doing okay doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t change the way that it was done.
TRUST ME- It’s broken. Be open to the fact that things need to change! Stop judging people based on differences: race, religion, sexual orientation, interests, hair color, location, age and every other way we stereotype people…
The funny part is it doesn’t matter what you do- the comments will flow, there will always be those that disapprove of what you are doing, there will also be those that do approve of what you are doing and that circle may get smaller and smaller, but that is okay! The size of the circle doesn’t matter, what matters is the strength of the circle.
How strong is your circle?
Also, understand that just because someone doesn’t drive a brand new car or live in a giant house doesn’t mean that they aren’t up to your standards…. Maybe some people choose to live below there means so that they can have awesome experiences in life. Just because a family chooses to do life different than the way that your family does life doesn’t make your way better.
Looking back I always yearned for approval from so many people and when I didn’t get it I remember feeling absolutely sad, confused, and mad! I wanted certain people to take me serious, I wanted them to acknowledge that I was working hard. The reality is that I was doing life different than they were doing and we as humans fear what we don’t know. Take a look around you- life is familiar.
I have noticed grown people still living in “high school” still acting like they are in the click that they were in in high school and treating people that weren’t in that circle like crap. Just 2 weeks ago I watched women in there early 40’s behaving like teenagers and downgrading other people… I just shook my head and walked away. It’s these people that are teaching and emulating to there children that is how you treat people that are different than you are. 🙁
After spending time living in Florida and North Carolina and visiting so many other places- The conclusion is that people do act different when you get out of your comfort zone. If you are the black sheep of your family do not feel bad for taking chances! Do not allow one negative voice in this world dictate the path that you take. Live your life in a way that showcases your happy! Shake it off! Focus on those that support you and pray for those that do not. Understand that what happens in your house doesn’t have to work or happen in anyone else’s house. Understand that we do not have to downgrade or accept ridicule for doing life different. Be open to having a conversation and helping other people to change there point of view or at least respect you and what you are doing.
In life you do not have to agree with anyone, but you should respect others. You do not have to be an advocate for gay marriage, but if you don’t agree keep your opinions to yourself. You do not have to be an advocate gender identity, but you learn how to just worry about your life. You don’t have to like someone else’s house, but do not downgrade it. If you are not living that life, then you have no right to downgrade it.
My point to all of this is : You get to feel good in your own skin! You are worth it! No matter your age, sex, skin color, job title, location of living,- you deserve to feel good about who you are and where you are going! You get to Embrace you, you Get to experience good things! You get to enjoy life!
Keep on keeping on! You are not a mistake!