The day our story Changed
There we were strolling through Sam’s Club. The day was going off without a hitch, which when you have a toddler is few and far between that there aren’t hand grenade’s being thrown at you from all directions. I feel like we were on the upswing of learning the triggers to keep the grenades at bay-
This was the day that our entire life changed. This was the day that path that we were on as parents took a crazy turn down a path that we couldn’t have dreamed of, but we welcomed it with open arms, and tears, fears, and questions, but most of all faith.
Back to our day- strolling along after stopping to smell the flower’s (this is one of the things that we do at every store and if we don’t that’s when a hand grenade get’s thrown and you should take cover) Crisis averted – They smelled great! The display! Huge and perfectly separated Boys shoes – red and black Girl shoes – pink and filled with flowers.
My first instinct was to pick up the red and black shoes. I showed Chandler and asked if he liked them. He said they were nice, but that he liked the pink ones. I quickly told him that the black and red shoes would make him fast. We tried them on and he ran up and down the isle saying they were fast, but pink faster! I then told him they didn’t have his size in the pink ones. :- I’m not proud of this. Then this child being completely aware of himself and who he is. Quickly found the box of pink shoes that matched the box of the red and black shoes. He then said with a smile, “They match” at that point I had to let him try them on and once he did- His face, his body, his everything lit up like the fourth of July. He ran happily in the isle and said, “Look mom Pink faster!” He was so happy. I face timed with Josh. After trying to talk Chandler out of the shoes – We both agreed that we had to get him the shoes. Josh took a black sharpie marker and blacked out a little of the pink. Chandler thought that was cool and everyone was happy.
Strangers, friends, and family all thought it was super cool that Chandler had the pink shoes- People would comment how cute and fun!
As Chandler got older and his interests became more and more “flamboyant” as people would say. (We prefer to just call him our rainbow child) The comments, questions, looks, and other disapproval has become more and more apparent. A 2 year old wanting to wear pink shoes is a little different than a 5 year old wanting to wear sparkly, bright, and colorful everything.
It was on that day that we decided that we would always provide a firm foundation for Chandler! We want all of our kids to always know that we are a safe space for them. We try really hard to make sure that our kids know that are seen, heard, and loved. We have also tried really hard to let each kid be an individual and we don’t compare them. They are different ages, at different stages, have different wants and likes, but the one thing that they have in common is they have a firm foundation.
We had provided a firm foundation for our other children and allowed them to express themselves with different hair do’s, clothing styles, sports, and colors. (The other two hadn’t really stepped so far outside the norm and so that made it a little easier to be super supportive)
It’s a little different when your child likes things outside the “norm”
Chandler from day one has taught us so much about us, him, and the world around us. We are so thankful that we have been open minded to learn from an infant, toddler, and now a child. I say this because from day one he knew what he wanted and needed. People talk about how you have to sleep train your baby, put your baby on a schedule, do not spoil your baby, show them who’s boss… Ect….
I disagree! You can not now or ever spoil a baby by holding them. They are in your uterus for 9 months and all of a sudden brought out into this world where it’s loud, and cold, and confusing, and they just want to be held. This is healthy and normal. Hold your baby. This boy wanted to be held and loved and that’s what he got. He wanted to be breast fed on his terms when he was hungry. Why is that so wrong? Who are you putting the child on a schedule for? You or the child? I think it’s more for you.
At the end of the day your baby will grow and learn. They are curious and want to know the world around them. The issue is when we star forcing them to do things they don’t want to do because we as parents are scared of how others will react if our child isn’t doing what all the other children are doing… SMH
I know it’s hard for you Mama’s with littles to wrap your heads around, but they will grow up fast enough. They don’t need you to push them, stress them out, or introduce everything under the sun to them. They need you to SEE THEM, HEAR THEM, and LOVE THEM. That means don’t force them to wear clothes that you like- allow them to pick out what they want. All them to show you who they are! Allow them to play or not play. Allow them to choose the activity they want to be in. It’s okay if they don’t want to do what you did as a kid. It’s okay if your little girl wants to ride mountain bikes! It’s as equally okay if your little boy wants to do dance! They are who they are!
Imagine a world with adults that aren’t depressed, confused, and feel like they aren’t enough… What a beautiful place that would be! I think we could make it better by showing our kids that they are accepted at earlier ages! Instead of forcing them to live a lie until they are old enough to venture out on there own. It doesn’t matter what you force on them as children they will eventually figure out who they are- wouldn’t it be better if we let them be who they are from the beginning so that they could just sprout into these beautiful humans that are kind and caring.
It’s okay to slow down! Our children are only little once- They will do just fine. They will shine ever so bright give them the chance. This is what I am learning from this child. What are you children trying to show you? What are they trying to tell you? Who are they? Are they trapped because they are nervous to show you who they are? Are they feeling like they don’t have a voice? Is there something you can do to change that? Can we work together to help make this world a better place?
Just because something has always been done a certain way doesn’t make it right I promise that.
I grew up in the Methodist Church- I was a strong active member of my Church from an early age. I learned bible verses, sang songs, read the bible and read the bible some more… I helped in Sunday School and showed up to all events… Something very heartening happened recently- the Church will not allow members of the LGTBQ community to be part of the Church- hmmmm It’s strange because that’s not what the bible I read says we should be doing… We shouldn’t be excluding people, we shouldn’t be labeling people… This my friends is what our country has been based on from the beginning… We have downgraded and cursed those that have been different and it has been more than okay with the majority. We limited people because of the color of skin, we limit people because of the genitals that they were born with, we are persecuting those that are different.
Excuse me if we want to raise our children different- We do not want them to put people into groups, we do not want them to exclude those that are different, we do not want to teach that making fun of those that are different is okay in any way shape or form.
Yes this child has taught us that none of this is okay.