John 16:2 They will put you out of the synagogue; in fact , the time is coming when anyone who kills you will think they are offering a service to God.
Today my devotional covered John 5:15 and talked about “God is our Leader” The story was one about a basketball team and how the team captain is the best player, but also the best teammate and encourages you and gives you confidence. This is how our relationship with God is and should be.
Anytime I read my devotional, which lets face it isn’t as often as I should… I don’t understand why because I feel so much better when I do. It’s crazy it’s always as if each day speaks exactly what I need to hear. Anyway, when I do read I always try and read a couple of chapters before and after the chapter that is the focus because it gives me context.
Understand that I am a sinner – I am a woman that is trying to be the best person I can be and I will tell you that I fall short of my potential more than not. So the point is that as you read this please know that I am not pointing fingers or judging instead this is what hit me like a ton of bricks while reading and feeling today –
We as humans strive when we feel supported, we take giant steps when we feel like we are not alone! We start accomplishing things we never dreamed we would accomplish when we feel like someone or something believes in us.
I for sure feel like I can actually get through the day when I know that I am not alone!
The same is true for the opposite as well. If we feel defeated or we feel alone we tend to stumble into a rabbit whole that doesn’t seem to have a way out. Ahhhhh This is a scary place to be – It’s dark and cold, and it’s lonely! It kind of takes over our life without us even realising that it’s happening. It starts slow – For me it started early on in life… I had super loving parents, and I did well in school, I had a fantastic Church Family! I had a few people though that would make little jabs here and there…. At first I could just brush them off, but then my Dad passed away and I felt broken, I felt like it was my fault, and at that time those words started to cut me a little deeper. I was able to keep moving, but the cuts were there. Years went on and there I was pregnant and living back at home without a job, without a car, and really without a plan. I started feeling really bad about who I was and what I was doing, those words started to cut deeper… They were deep enough now that they started bleeding. I was able to band-aid them and move on. It wasn’t too much longer and my Mom passed away. I felt like my rock was gone. My firm foundation had melted away and there I was standing in quicksand.
I was at a turning point and pulled myself up enough from the rabbit hole that I could live, but still felt like I was drowning. I allowed myself to enter a relationship that I knew wasn’t good for me because it gave the appearance that I wasn’t alone. It soothed those cuts and the water wasn’t as deep. Then the knife was out and new cuts started to be made, and I didn’t realize it because they only stung a little.
God kept showing me signs that things weren’t the way he wanted. I didn’t listen. I stood there with my fist in the air telling him that I knew best. (what the what) 🙁
Anyway, after 5 years of on again off again and more stress than I can even put into words it all blew up and Woah!! It was terrifying and glorious all at the same time. I started to rebuild that foundation in Christ. I started to realize that he was always there ready and waiting. H was placing important people in my life to be strong pillars to help me rebuild myself. He gave me a team! He gave me a voice! He started to fill the cuts that were so deep! It was a time of healing and exploring, it was a time of crying, laughter, and tears… It was a time of emotional highs and lows. It was a time of learning, listening, and letting him carry me, hold me, and lead me.
It wasn’t long after that I met my now husband and we blended our families, and birthed a child. We became a party of 5. 🙂 Talk about highs and lows and learning ahhhh still so much learning….
Here we are on this journey of trying to navigate parenting and an adult (She is tough), a teen, and a gender nonconforming 6 year old boy- This journey is one of absolute surrendering (This is something we both struggle with) I am a control freak!! Guilty!!
The first verse that I typed spoke to me so much today because he is saying that anyone who kills you will think they are offering up a service to me… We feel this a lot! We hear comments from people claiming to be God loving that want to crucify us for allowing our six year old boy to shop in the girl section at a store which is completely run by people and has nothing to do with Christ. They tell us that we shouldn’t have children…. They are trying to cut us and wheeeeew they succeed some days and wow the cuts hurt and feel like they are bleeding so much that I feel weak and tired.
God says NO do not feel that way and she then sends these amazingly positive and uplifting people our way that say exactly what we need to hear. For instance – yesterday after Chandler’s gym class his teacher stopped me and expressed how amazing Chandler is and what a bright light he is. She is so thankful for parents like us that allow our children to show us who they are. She went on, but honestly I was so emotional that it’s hard to tell you word for word, but the point is that it was beautiful and exactly what I needed to hear! GOD IS GOOD!!
My point is this – There will be people in our lives that will cut us!! They will continue to do it over and over and we just have to remember that we are not alone! We are on God’s team and he is the team captain! He is the strongest, the fastest, the smartest, the most amazing Teammate we could ever want or need!! He will send people that will be our strength when we need it, he will send people to be our happy when we need it, he will send people to be our motivation when we need it.
Beware though because the devil will try to send us fake versions of that and try and trick us.
Join your team! God has a plan for us!
Allow yourself to be human – we all make mistakes, we all fall short, but GOD designed each of us to be who we are!! We just have to discover what God already knows!!
Please allow your children to show you who they are!! It’s beautiful getting to know our children! Stop feeling like we are showing them who they are!! They are showing us everyday who they are – Allow them! 🙂