Mental Breakdown


Yesterday started out like any other day. I woke up drove Ashley to school while the rest of the house was a sleep. I get home to Chan awake and Josh warming up some milk. The morning continues without a hiccup. Getting Chan dressed, making breakfast, getting Jacob up, getting myself ready, in the midst of loading and unloading the dishwasher and sweeping the floors, and emptying the trashes.We head out the door in preparation for our day. (We have a lot to do: take Jacob to school, head to the Farmer’s Market, then the grocery, and maybe a couple other stops…)

As we arrive at the school to drop brother off it starts… He forgot his computer so, off we go back home to retrieve the computer. We arrive at the school and I have to get Chan out of the car and run this computer in. It only takes about 5 minutes to get him back in the car seat. To the farmers market we go… Meanwhile I’m chatting with Aunt Tiff talking about sales and different things. She informs me that Walmart will add match and she forwards on some add matches from Save a Lot… the groceries here are much more expensive than in Indiana….

Arriving at the Farmers Market… I have to talk Chan into riding in his stroller (it only takes about 10 minutes… and finally we are able to get going. I grab our vegetables as fast as I can because I know that it won’t be long and this boy will be on the move… and I was right. He sees a little truck and out of the stroller he goes. We buy the truck. He then has to drive and by drive I mean push it on the ground (the truck is like as big as my hand so you can image how hard it is to push in the gravel at that.) I let him because it’s easier than a fit… So 10 minutes later we make it about 20 ft. Now it’s time to cross the road. I give him options like sitting in the stroller or me carrying him across the road… he isn’t happy with either and this turns in to a world war 2 fit… kicking and screaming and throwing the truck. I quickly scoop him up and get him across the street (exhausted) I tell him to drive his truck across the little bridge all the way to Mom’s car… Happy face is back and we can do this… Another 10 minutes… and we finally get to the car… Now I have to get the stroller and all of our vegetables and the kid and the truck back in the car… This is a process because then Chan poops. In the stroller goes (I am keeping Chan occupied with a banana) Vegetables next and then the truck… Now it’s time to change this baby. All Done! We can head to the grocery.


The arrival is easy as pie… They have a McDonalds… (Don’t judge me!) I quickly run in while holding Chan and order him some food. I get him to sit in the cart to eat the food. This means that he is sitting in the bottom of the basket with a tray from Mcdonalds to put his food on along with his blankets and 2 trucks. Off we go to buy the list of items we need… trying to get the list is hard enough with out add matching… He starts out great but about 15 minutes in he is throwing things out as fast as I can put them in… I try and offer my phone to play games. I try and offer a toy… He sees a fruit pouch and this helps. Keeps him occupied for another 10 minutes or so. We are almost done. Then it happens he is trying to climb out of the cart… I have 3 items left and of coarse they are the hardest items… I stand at the end of the cart trying to keep him in so we can finish and pay… then as we are walking everyone has to tell me that he is half out of the cart because I am unaware I’m only standing in front of him holding on to him and the cart… but thanks for your observation. during this time he has a nonstop whine….

We are finally ready to check out the lady in front of me has a whole cart load and well the total was huge and she paid with food stamps and then paid another 109 for her extra stuff alcohol and cigerettes! Are you kidding me. I can’t afford to spend that much on those items. Whatever I keep to myself. I get ready to pay by telling the cashier I have ad matches… she rolls her eyes a little, but says okay. She rings up the items that don’t have the ad matches and we get to the others she isn’t very nice about it and it takes forever… she types in the wrong amount and we have to wait for a manager. It was a difference of 27 cents, but seriously that adds up. The older couple behind me started making comments like “Come on” bla bla bla… Finally I just had enough Chan was acting crazy and I just basically told him that he could go to another isle. I then told the cashier to just put a smile on her face and help me because that’s her job. I am sorry, but I don’t get food stamps and we have to find the deal. Finally we are done. It’s now about 12… We started out adventures at 9:00. (that is with a 25 minute drive) t he rest was shinanigans… As we are leaving Walmart they have an arcade that Chan wants to go into… Whatever what’s one more thing… We head in and stay for about 15 minutes.


Time to go… This brings on a whole lot of screaming and kicking and crying… I simply tell Chan we will stand there until he is ready to leave. Not too much sooner an older man comes and proceeds to yell at Chandler… Saying, “HEY LITTLE BOY STOP THAT CRYING! THAT’S ENOUGH! I quickly tell him to move along because what the hell is wrong with him yelling at my baby! I scoop Chan up and we are trying to head out and this sweet older lady comes over and puts her hand on my shoulder and says it’s okay. Your doing great and being so patient and this will go by very quickly… (I am almost in tears because it has been a hard hard morning) I simply say thankyou so much. Meanwhile Chan hasn’t let up… We are walking out the door and he proceeds to head but my chin. I lower as he is throwing himself every which way I almost drop him, but instead I let go of the cart it goes racing across the parking lot finally stopping on the curb… (everyone is starring) I just keep telling Chan that it’s ok that he needs to relax… Finally we have arrived at the car… I put him down and tell him we will attempt to get in the car once I get the groceries put away…. Meanwhile he is screaming, kicking, and hitting the car… I get the groceries put away and tell him okay we have to get in the car… I open the door bend down to pick him up as the door smacks me in the head. He starts to vomit because he is so worked up… I get his shirt off of him and get him cleaning up and just start crying and asking him if he can please just stop crying. I then just ask him like 3 times can I please put in the car… He finally agrees because he has worn himself and me out… Finally we are buckled and ready… I back out and get almost to the light and my car dies.

The car dying is my last straw… I start crying and then the idiot behind me starts honking at me… As if I can control that my car died… (just so you know there is no traffic he can easily go around me) Meanwhile he is still honking and Chan begins to cry again… I get out of my car (this I am not especially proud of) I proceed to yell a lot of profanities and saying not very nice things to him…I then get back in the car and take a deep breath and try and start him up… look at that we are back in business…. Only to drive like a foot and it dies again… He starts honking like a jerk again! I am really just livid now…I get back out and tell him that I want to come back there and strangle his old neck! (then I think to myself and realize that what I just did was so mean… I get back in the car put my head on the steering wheel and out come the tears…I couldn’t breathe… Chan is back there so concerned with me right now… I give him a thumbs up and take a few deep breaths and try the car again… He starts up and off we go…

2 minutes later Chan is sleeping and I am just praying and asking for strength and forgiveness and so many other things…

We arrive home and I carry him in and he stays asleep… I am able to put away the groceries and breathe before it’s time to get the biggs…

Talk about a breath of fresh air… After getting the biggs at separate times they ask how my day was and I tell them awful… They both say well what good happened today…. (talk about a proud Mom moment!)

At the end of the day there was some good… I saved a lot of money and Chan was super sweet and cute when he wasn’t being a raging lunatic… Really I shouldn’t have expected that he could do both of those activities in one day. Lesson learned… from now on we do one activity at a time. 🙂


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Chrissy Hise

Chrissy Hise

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