Dealing with death

I have been struggling lately with the passing of my nephew… I struggled as a child with the passing of my Father… Then as a young adult I struggled with the passing of my Mother.

When my Dad passed away I was so angry with God because I couldn’t understand why God would take my Dad away from me… What did I do wrong? Why was this happening to me? Through a lot of help and reading and guidance from God and other people in my life I realized that it wasn’t happening to me at all… God was ready for my Dad to come home. He missed his son…I then didn’t understand why he would take such a good man… There were so many people in the world that were “horrible.”

Then the passing of my Mom I felt the same way… This time I wasn’t as angry because I understood being older that she was now going to be heeled and happy… but I was sad that she wasn’t with me. I needed her… I then asked the same question… Why her? There were so many people in this world that were “horrible.”

Now with my nephew it was different he was so young and had so much more life to live and he was healthy and made good choices and treated people well and did everything right… I keep saying the same thing… There are all these “horrible” people why not them…

I have lost many more people in my life, but these three stand out they are the ones that I am having the hardest time accepting.

I read a post yesterday that really made me thing. It was by a person that lost her brother and someone that should love her unconditionally told her that it should have been her not her brother. This made me think, I wanted to respond to her post, but I wasn’t sure what to say or how to say what I thought I wanted to say, instead I just pondered.

At church today our Pastor talked about God and his love for us and how none of us deserve this special love that our Heavenly Father gives us, but he still loves us. He went on to talk about how we don’t get to decide when we are leaving this earth. Only God decides that and we don’t get to decide when other people leave us.

This made me think= think about life and how this message fit into my life.

I finally understand that God loves us all and that we all make mistakes big and small and none of us are better than another. We are all given situations in life and choices and we do the best we can. That being said I had to equate this to my life and how it applies to me. I think about it like this I am with an Amazing man who loves my son so much and is such a good Dad to him. God had a plan when I gave birth to this sweet boy (Jacob) He knew that his “Dad” wasn’t going to be able to show him love on a daily basis or be a part of his day to day so God has made sure to put people in our lives that would show him love the way that he has needed. The same way that God knew that my biological Mom wouldn’t be able to love me the way that I needed to be loved so he gave me parents that could show me love and teach me… He also gave me a family that would accept me for me. He also knew that Ashley needed a “Mom” in her life and he knew that I needed her in mine so he brought us together. I could go on and on…

There is a plan. I think we are all quick to judge (me too) people when they aren’t the “best” parents or the best people, but think about how different your life would be if those people were there. Everything would be different. So next time you are quick to say what “horrible” person is think about how much your life would be different if they weren’t the way they are. They are impacting someone in a positive way. Let life happen.

Death is a hard thing to accept and I am going to continue to struggle with it, but I now have an understanding that God knows what he is doing and even though I am so sad that I don’t get to have my parents here physically or my nephew… I know that I had the most amazing parents for the time that I had them and I know that Steve taught me and showed me things that I will continue to know for the rest of my life. I am blessed to have had such great people in my life.