Will you help in the change?
“How do I make this decision? They are both so great! How much are they?” – Chandler asks
Well, buddy they are 3 -dollars
“Well, that’s not very much, I can just get them both.”
hmmmm, I will compromise- you can get both if you give me 2 dollars when we get home.
“Yes, I want them both- Chandler gasps out
Okay then are you sure this is what you want to spend your hard earned money on, these pants?
Yes, they are perfect! Sparkly, bright, and perfect!
Is this not the typical conversation that you have with your 5 year old son? This is our typical conversation- Chandler loves a good lunch date, dinner date, and his favorite is when we can have a “family date at a restaurant of his choice.” He is getting more adventurous with his food choices- Bob Evans is pretty high on the list I mean who can resist a good pig faced set of pancakes. Subway is a new found interest. He is just amazed at how fresh the smell is and how the sun just shines so bright in on the tables. It’s a real refreshing place to eat (his words). Then there’s Mcdonalds- if pony’s are an option he is sure to ask for the pony toy, (yes, we get looks of disapproval, but seriously why do people care). I am on a new mission to educate Mc Donalds and other fast food places to stop asking – “boy or girl” and instead saying we have and say the toy options. Let’s face it there are little girls in the world that want to play with Monster trucks and there are certainly little boys that want to play with cutie cars.” CHANGE MINDSET
As Chandler is getting older and the kids around him are getting older- wheeew my fears are setting in. I often times feel alone- like no other Mom is going through what I am going through- I have the world’s best husband that is so supportive and I am thankful everyday that God brought us together because doing life with him and these kids – Talk about blessed!
However, as a Mom, I do not feel like I have anyone in my life that really understand’s a Mother’s fears more specifically my fears!
I fear that as his little girlfriends that he loves and adores start to get older and spend more time in school, they will start to notice that he is different and what will happen then? When we get invited to a birthday party or really any gathering… in my head I go through possible people in attendance, once I have gathered a tentative guest list, then starts the conversations in my head and how they will go – these do not bother me so much… The hard part is new kids and how they are going to react to Chandler at first. Will they be little him and tell him that his clothes are for girls- because this is what they have heard at home.
Something as simple as going to Church- This is one that makes me physically, mentally, and emotionally ill-
When we walk in the door~ we get looks and people are still calling Chandler a girl mind you we have been going to this Church now for over 7 months-
A couple of weeks ago Chandler went to “Church school” as he calls it- I check him a couple of times during the service because I want to make sure that the kids are being sweet to him and I also want to make sure that the adults in the situation are allowing him to be him without words that aren’t necessary. Pastor Mikes wife watched as I walked in the room 2 times and bless her heart she came up and asked if everything was okay after service and I explained my fears- she ensured me that her and her husband have talked about Chandler and that they have been keeping an eye out.
Just so we are clear this is hard! Last week we went and he was anxious to go to Church school and we let him… about 10 minutes in I had to go to the bathroom sick to my stomach. Because as sweet as it is that they are looking out for him it doesn’t change that this is sad, maddening and completely uncalled for. This sweet child is 5!!! At the age of 5 there are people that have to look after him in a church- a place where people claim to be Christian! A place where people claim to be accepting and understanding and every other ‘ing you can think of!! In this place I as a Mom do not feel great. Where then do you ask can I or we feel great and completely okay- Well, only because you asked. There isn’t a place outside of our home that we can just relax and know that we can breath without feeling like the oxygen in the air is thin.
There is a girl at our Church that recognized me after not seeing me for 3 years- she came up to me knew my name asked how we were and made small talk- she then asked how old our “daughter” was… WE smiled politely and said oh our son Chandler is 5. The conversation ended quickly and from that day on she completely dismisses us as if we do not exist. Now, please understand I do not need to be her friend, but let’s be honest why is she completely dismissing me as if she doesn’t know who I am when she is the one that approached me after a 3 year hiatus…
I am not bringing light to thing because we want attention, but rather so that maybe you can read this with a little compassion.
Maybe start using different words in your house- Change the phrase “that’s for girls” or “that’s for boys”
Instead- understand that colors are just that colors- clothes really aren’t for boys and girls- clothes are just clothes. Where in the history of ever does it say that because you are a girl you have to like sparkly, frilly, bright colored things…. News flash a lot of girls like darker colors- Why because you have a penis do you have to like sports, trucks, and collared shirts… WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT
Please tell me I am not the only one that feels this way!!
Take a step back and know that just because you force your kids to wear “matching – gender – appropriate” clothes by society standards… I have news that doesn’t mean that they will always like that. They will eventually become there own person and what a shame they had to wait until they were in there 20’s to express themselves. How sad for your child that they had to live a lie for 20 years of there life.
Do you realize that your child isn’t a way for you to relive your glory days???? Do you understand that your child is his or her own person! They do not have to like what you like! They do not have to do what you do! Allow them to be themselves!
If you don’t want to do that – cool! At least allow other children to express themselves without your harsh judgement’s!