This school year started off as a bit of a struggle for me emotionally, mentally, and physically – Emotionally draining because I felt like I was at a constant battle with myself over sending Chandler to school and getting a job or continuing on the path we are on… This battle is hard and drained me to the point that I felt sick and tired and completely defeated.
I kept telling myself that I don’t know how to work with a six year old, I kept telling myself that I was failing him and myself… That what we had planned just wasn’t going to be enough… I kept thinking of how a lot of people just drop their kids off at school and they get “me time” I have been longing for that- or I thought…
Here is the reality- Last week I decided to get out of my head and stop allowing peoples opinions along with my own internal battles sway me and my beliefs and the path we are on. We are all victims of this type of thinking… I was chatting with a friend the other day and I asked her what she had been up to – she responded with “Oh Just……” and she continued to talk about what she was doing as if it were not important. This same type of conversation happens all the time with so many people- We all start out our story with “oh just….” I am so guilty of this!
Stop doing that! We have to stop devaluing ourselves! We have to stop feeling like we aren’t doing enough! Society has ingrained in our heads that we should basically be so busy that we act like chickens with our heads cut off… NO!! I promise that is not what life is about! We do not have to be completely scheduled!
This last week I decided to get back to the basics with our homeschool journey and I am starting to fall back in love with it! We have our own system and it works! Our schedule is a bit unorthodox- with a 15 year old that plays sports- We generally eat dinner like rock stars – you know the 7:30-8 o’clock range that means bedtime doesn’t happen until about 10 or so… Thankfully – that means Chan gets to sleep in because there is no reason to need to get school or life started until you are well rested. 🙂 I am finding that if I get up a little early – I can have some “me time” for about an hour in between the time that Jacob leaves for school and Chan wakes up. This is a beautiful time! I clean, organize, blog, or read, sometimes just sit on the porch… ya know whatever I decide! Hence “me time”
I feel privileged that I get to stay home with our kids! If Jacob needs something throughout the day he just sends a text and we are able to get it to him… being there for his sports and just embracing who he is…
Being home with Chan is really something… Our approach is a little different this year and that had me stumped for a little bit, but now I am realizing that each year our path will look and feel different as it should. I am learning how to take a step back and focus on day by day… Learning is a beautiful thing and I don’t want to not feel good for either of us.
Chandler challenges and teaches me – He has from the beginning.
These kids are only ours for a little bit before they are out on their own- it goes fast and there’s not turning back. We are all told that our kids need this or that… but what they really need is us- They need us to meet them where they are! They need us to see who they are! They need us to hear them! They need us to just love them.
I know these things sound easy- but are they really? When children are little, parents look at them and love them to no end, but then this thing happens they grow up a little and they start doing things in a way that isn’t what you envisioned – It’s in these moments can you really see your child, hear your child, and love your child? I have personally heard a Dad tell his 22 year old son that he wasn’t his son any more because he found out he was Gay – So for the 22 years of his life the Dad loved him and accepted him, but then found out one thing about him and all of a sudden….. or how about the parents that kicked a kid out of this house because he wouldn’t cut his hair? Even though he had had long hair for years…. What about the little 13 year old girl that told her mom she was a lesbian and her mom sent he to a camp to help fix her??? What about the 5 year old little boy that wanted to do gymnastics, but his Dad played football and any son of his was going to be a football player… The stories go on and on…
People – be better! Do better! Stop with the preconceived notions of who our children are! They are who they are! For instance- from the time Chandler was 3 days old we were either at a football, baseball, track, or cross country meet, then at JROTC meets after that… This child has no interest in any of it and that is perfectly okay! Understand that just because you are older doesn’t make you wiser… Allow your child to make his/her own path….
Wow, I totally got off track- I’ll tie it all together in a pretty bow. If we can learn to let our kids travel down a path that is all his/her own, they might be better equipped as adults to feel good about what they are doing!
As a kid I didn’t feel like people took me serious- in my family Cheerleading was a joke and I definitely heard a fair share of Church jokes… Then as I got older I was told on several occasions that waitressing wasn’t a “real job” oh and coaching was a nice hobby… bla bla bla bla bla then now I hear, “do you think you are going to get a job soon?” lol
I used to really allow these things to eat at me and bring me down – now I just brush it off because I realize that I can’t please everyone and I don’t want to! The people that made the mean comments to me are still doing the same thing they were doing 20 years ago, 10 years ago, and 5 years ago… Do not let people bring you down! Stand Tall in what you are doing and where you are in life! A step is merely a step!
I am proud of where I am in life! I get to experience my kids! I have been able to create this awesome curriculum and write and publish a book! I get to inspire people with my story! I made a CHOICE to be a STAY AT HOME MOM!
I am a Proud Stay at a home mom! I am a wife! I am a friend! I am a creator! I am STRONG! I work hard everyday for me and my family!
What do you do? Who are you? Know this if no one else in your life sees you or hears you… I do!!