Over the last few weeks at church they have been talking about “stories” Stories about how Jesus and different things he has done and continues to do, also individual stories – testimonies from people in our congregation… Heart wrenching, tears rolling down my face, God stories! Today our church basically hosted an open mic for people who felt nudged to share- I felt a nudge from the Lord telling me that I should tell my story, but I wasn’t brave enough to stand up and do it – I am a little stage fright when it comes to speaking in front of big groups of people especially if what I am speaking about is from my heart… It’s probably the fear of judgement or the fear that I won’t be able to articulate what it is that I am trying to say because I will cry, a lot!
I was so touched by the bravery of the people that shared! It was amazing to see both young and old – Listening to them tell all the trials and tribulations and how with each one it was part of the plan and how things worked out and are working out and how the only way to explain it was because they were all God stories!
I believe that we all have them because God is present in all of our lives all the time even when we don’t want him or there or think that he is there…
It was in 2010- I was engaged to a man that I thought I would spend my life or most of my life with- Life was hard, we were just not healthy for one another- Have you ever experienced someone like that. When it’s good it’s really good, but when it’s bad it’s really bad like hell on earth, and you know that you both bring out the worst in one another, but the fear of change keeps you from soaring- Well, that was me… The stress of our relationship and life in general was enough that it caused my body to just react in a way that made no sense- I couldn’t keep anything down, I was rapidly losing weight and fatigue was an every day occurrence… Then it happened I got admitted to the hospital – I was admitted for 14 days – They couldn’t figure out what was wrong- They kept thinking that I was pregnant, after multiple tests and ultrasounds that wasn’t the case- finally they found that I had scar tissue build up on my uterus from delivering my 6 year old boy at the time through a cesarean c-section.
They went in to do the surgery and the surgeon wanted to do a hysterectomy because “it was a real mess in there” his words- Thankfully, he saw that I was engaged and he spoke with my niece and she said no, not to do that – to just remove what he could and close up. The doctor explained to me after the surgery that I would probably never be able to get pregnant because my right ovary didn’t work and my stomach wall is attached to my uterus and so even if I got pregnant carrying the baby to term would be detrimental to me and the baby…
This was news that devastated me. I didn’t think that I wanted more kids, but when you are told that you won’t be able to do something that your body as a woman can do- There aren’t any words
This relationship ended a few months later right before our wedding, this forced me to start over- I mean from scratch- There I was a single mom, no car, no job, no money, no phone, and feeling light as a feather – weird I know, but as messy and confusing as this time was- The only way I can explain it is that God was just there with a smile on his face and his arms open so big!! He placed the right people at the right time in our lives- Friends and family that helped me get a car, a phone, a place to stay, a job… There I was starting over – and feeling more accomplished and loved than I had felt in years of my life-
Along came this sweet sweet man that inspired me -He still inspires me! I knew after one face to face conversation with him that we were going to do life together- because this man saw me! He heard me! He made / makes me want to be a better person, he makes me laugh, he was someone I could just be me – even if I didn’t know the me that I was – he accepted me where I was personally, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually and continues to accept me for where I am in those areas – God had a plan
A year and a half in- I start feeling a lot of feels! Emotionally I was a wreck, I was getting sick, and feeling completely drained – I equated this all too the fact that I was busy, I substitute taught, I worked as a bartender, and coached Cheer leading, while taking classes and raising a little boy… Josh asked me one day if I was pregnant and I was quick to let him know that I knew my body and no- number one we were careful and I was on birth control and more than that my right ovary didn’t work-
2 weeks later after all the signs were pointing in that direction I decided to get a test. This was terrifying because if it was positive how would that work out and if it was negative then what was actually wrong with me-
I called a few of my closest girlfriends and decided it was time- I took the test – POSITVE – I texted Josh and just let him know that the thing that we had talked about was happening!
I remember just feeling every possible emotion you could feel! I called the doctor first thing Monday Morning and made an appt. after reviewing my case she put me as a high risk pregnancy… With the expectation of huge amounts of pain and failure to carry full term – the first few appt’s were hard emotionally and physically and mentally!! As the pregnancy continued it was crazy! I had no pain! The baby was on point at every appointment and things just went super smooth- The doctor couldn’t explain it other than a miracle!
That is right – this baby was a miracle!
From the beginning this baby has defied the odds, this baby is now 6 and in his short six years he has opened our eyes, ears, and hearts to a whole new understanding of life and the importance of the little things. I am so very thankful God chose us to be his parents! I am so very thankful God stayed faithful to me even when I didn’t stay faithful to him! I am so thankful that he didn’t give up on me! So very thankful that he kept showing me the path and even when I would choose the darkest, hardest, most scary path he showed up!