Invisible / Ignored / Shadow

Yesterday was a day that I felt invisible – like no one could see me! Yesterday was a day I felt ignored – like no one could hear me! Yesterday was a day I felt like a shadow – no one could touch me. If you have ever felt like you weren’t seen, heard, or felt – Then you know it hurts. It hurts physically, mentally, and emotionally.

It’s this feeling I am on a mission to get rid of- It’s this feeling that no one should ever have to feel. The truth is that if you are “different” or you do things that are different that what most people around you are doing – this is how you will be treated. You will be treated as an after thought. You will be questioned and made to feel like something is wrong with you.

I am here to first tell you that NOTHING is wrong with you! Just because you see things, do things, and feel things different than those around you doesn’t mean you are broken. It stead it means you were created to spark change! You were created for a reason! You were created for a higher calling! I promise you are not alone!

Now that you know you are seen, heard, and felt – I will explain our story-

The day started off running to Jacob’s school to drop off lunch money, we have been in this office oh about 20 times since the beginning of the year. Each time we go in the office ladies are very sweet and always greet us with a smile and each time they tell Chandler what a beautiful little “girl she is”. Each time I correct with a smile and say oh this is Chandler and he is pretty cute. They then chat with him and ask him about Jacob- They always remember that he is Jacob’s sister- The biggest problem I have is that when we walk in they know that we are Jacob’s family.

Then we decided to do school at the library- The library is a place we frequent about 2 times a week and have for about 7 months or so. We spend anywhere from 1 – 2 hours each time we are there. We spend time looking at books and almost always get help from the same 2 librarians. I have told them Chandler’s name about 25 times-  and explained that he is a boy. They still call him a girl, the problem is that we are what is considered regulars and I’m gonna go on a limb and say that they don’t see kids like Chandler ever- this would make him stick out like a sore thumb and be a little more memorable. While we were at the library a girl that used to do a mom’s group with us came with her children, she has 3 boys, oh and we go to the same Church. I was checking out our books and Chan has asked the little boy to play- The Mom proceeded to come and get her son and say let’s go this way. Looked at me as if I didn’t exist and walked away.

I would give her a pass as if maybe she didn’t recognize me, but this is the same girl that recognized me by name after not seeing me for 3 years. She commented how old was my daughter and I said oh this is Chan our 5 year old son. She was quick to point to Chandler and say oh well, I couldn’t tell that he was a boy. The conversation ended with her saying they had to go and from that day on she looks right through me and my child.

After leaving the library we headed to the grocery – we were greeted by a smiling face that commented how beautiful my little girl was and that she was the most beautiful little girl she had ever seen. I said thank you, we think he’s pretty cute. His name is Chandler and he’s 5. She said, Oh I didn’t know and gave a disapproving look. We ventured through the store and were met by another person that commented how beautiful my daughter was and by this time I just said thank you, then Chandler just smiled and said that’s okay Mom.

As they walked away – He said Mom why do people always call me a girl. My clothes are just clothes. I know sweet child and it’s not your fault. Some people are just not educated and that’s okay. All that matters is that you feel good – Do you feel good wearing what you are wearing? Yesssss MOM!! My outfit is AMAZING!

I’m okay with feeling completely unseen, unheard, and unfelt, because I am an adult and I do not need approval from the world around me. What I do need is for adults to be a little more compassionate towards and child and his or her feelings. I need to spread awareness that the words you say, the looks you give, and the way you physically touch people affects them, especially children.

Do you know that suicide rates for children in the lgtbq community are 3 times higher than a heterosexual child- Did you know that 50 percent of trans males commit suicide-

As of right now Chan is just a child that loves pink and purple things, clothes, and rainbow everything else, but as he get’s older people are getting more judgmental. We provide a firm foundation of total acceptance here at home and studies have shown that does help lower the percentages of suicide, but how sad is it that we live in a world that people believe they are holier than though and find it okay to hurt children with words. How sad is it that in one sentence people go from thinking that our “daughter is the most beautiful little girl to looks of complete disapproval”.

I am on a mission to educate and promote acceptance of children and people that are different and make that okay and more than that make it the norm.