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It has been a while- I haven’t felt motivated to do anything outside the bare minimums with the outside world. I have been scared to post anything, depressed about the weather, I have felt excluded, and like I don’t fit in.

On a daily I work with Chandler and get Jacob where he needs to go and we have lots of fun in between, but I am talking about me and my personal thoughts and feelings. I have felt like I am being attacked from so many corners that it’s hard to want to even step outside my front door whether that is on my computer or physically walking out the door.

Here lately I feel as thought it is tough to find my place and where I fit in. I thought that I had moved past all the hurtful comments and judgments, but maybe I haven’t because it feels like no matter what path I take there they are lurking around the corner…

“aren’t you scared about socialization?

NO I am not!! School is not the same as it was 15 years ago! Seriously, there isn’t much socialization happening! Honestly, why are we a society so hell bent on the idea that this is the only place that you can “socialize” Seriously – please tell me you kids that go to school are they doing a lot of socializing? Or are they starring at a phone or computer screen? Let’s remember that our child is 5 years old. He’s not 15 and even if he was there are kids that have been going to physical school there entire life and don’t know how to socialize. Just because you are in class with others doesn’t mean that you are able to communicate with your peers- maybe you don’t want to communicate with your peers-

Honestly, if you are a little bit different school isn’t so enjoyable for you- Trust me! I watched my now 15 year old get made fun of in K, then he got bullied so bad as a 4th grader he wanted taken out of school! Yes I met with staff, teachers, principle, and councilor and no one was able to help me. Even now as a 15 year old he has a few friends, but there are times that he gets bullied now…. Thankfully he has a strong foundation to stand on, but seriously after hearing mean shit for a long time it’s hard to negate it! Hence so many of us adults that are depressed…
We were told as kids to toughen up… That’s such bullshit advice if I ever heard it.

I think this is part of my struggle is that as parent’s Josh and I are just doing what we think is best for our children each one individually. The Stay at home mom comments are pretty great too! Why do so many people care what I am doing? Why do you care if I have a 9-5 or not? Here’s the thing I am qualified! I have that college degree 🙂 We made a choice that works for our family! We made a choice to be present! Our life is working very well with one income- We made this choice so that we didn’t have to send our kid’s to daycare because it’s not what we wanted. That’s all… Not because it’s a better or worse decision than anyone else, but simply because we wanted to be more present. We have older children and we know how fast the time goes and we want to savor it a little bit more…

At the end of the day if we all just stopped for a second! Just stop talking and listen maybe then our ideas and judgments can change… Stop comparing your life to anyone else’s life. Stop projecting your fears on to everyone else.

When will the comparison’s stop??? Shit they start so early!! Are you having a natural birth, drugs or a c-section? Bottle or breast feeding? Organic baby food or introducing pop? Private or Public education? Home schooling or un-schooling? Chores no chores? Allowance or not? Religion? Curfew? Phone usage- privacy or checking? Oh my gosh!!!! STOP!!

Parenting is hard! so fucking hard! Everyone wants to tell you what you are doing wrong!! Here’s the thing you don’t know what you will do until it’s at your doorstep!! Even then you will be clueless! Every kid is different and responds to different things! Please do not think that you have all the answers because you have a 5 month old that is sleeping through the night… Also, please do not think you have all the answers because you have 1 child that made it to an ivy league school. None!! None of us have all the answers! We just wake up and put one foot in front of the other and try our best and sometimes that doesn’t feel like enough.

Parent’s of small children- please understand that you don’t have all the answers! Life changes with teens, and adults! People with adult children and and grand children- you my friend do not have all the answers, parenting today is very very different than parenting yesterday! People with grown children please do not think that you have all the answer when it comes to schooling because school isn’t the same! Life is changing and more importantly I don’t want my kids to get treated the way that I got treated…. I don’t want them to make fun of kids because of the activity that they are in! I want them to be celebrated because they are loving what they are doing!

Why can’t we all celebrate each other for making choices that work in our house? Making choices that we don’t expect others to make-